For a friend, and a broken heart.

I hate him.
I hate everything he's caused in my life.
I hate how I don't ever want him to go away.
Just the hurt.
I want the hurt to leave,
but he can stay.
My heart-
I was trying to be logical.
I attempted being a civilized person.
You can't be logical when your heart
has been pulled out of your chest,
squeezed, and ripped to shreds.
We can't get over this.
I can't.
This mountains too big for me.
He doesn't know how much I cry now.
How much I cry.
Like a gush of pain over my cheeks.
It lulls me to sleep at night-
sometimes...
Most.
I can't live anymore.
All I see is every miserable detail,
every pathetic hope
that just dies.
It dies so fast, I can't even recognize it.
Gone
within a millisecond of its birth.
The pain is too much to handle.
Bigger than the ache of loneliness,
more horrible than fear.
Who remembers their life without pain?
Pain so big it breaks you in two?
I can't.
Where did I go?
I don't remember where that girl went,
do you?
She was kind.
I liked her.
Is she dead too?