When will it end?

I spend this life in torment
i spend it without glee
i want this life to finish
to be finally rid of me

I'm sick of waking every morning
to be alive another day
feeling the air flow into me
knowing I'm OK

if you want to help me in this life
please end it really fast
i don't care how you do it
just make sure that it will last

i wish i could do it myself
to save you from the pain
knowing I'm a coward
I'll just try and try again

though i know i won't succeed in this
i know that I'll survive
i don't know why I'm here still
why i am alive

maybe there's a reason for this
this torment in my life
maybe there getting me ready
to be a handler of a knife

or maybe I'm to be rescued
that would be a first
to be shown what its like to love
filling a long thought of thirst

but i know that this cannot be
for nothing go's my way
I'm doomed to live the rest of this life
without a word of say

I'll grow old and live alone
and finally die at last
I'll feel happy for the first time ever
locking everything away in the already forgotten past.