Pledge of Service

Great poem 5/5 keep it up

Hey. I'm from the request boards. The one that said your swearing had made me skeptical to read your poetry. However, I'm happy to say that I was impressed. I was expecting alot less: less thinking, less meaning and less rhyme scheme. But you proved that you are capable of gettin atleast that far, and for that I say well done.
However, My only piece of advice would be to make your ending lines (the fourth lines of your stanza) just a tad longer, it'll carry your rhythm through more smoothly...
Though that's all about what the writer is feeling at the time, so that's your call: how do you want your reader to read this? With rhythm to follow, and read on a beat...Or with broken up lines, to make more of an awkward read (this helps with emotional poems where you want the reader to stagger as if feeling the same things as what's being spoken of)

Over all though. Well done. You can write worth much more than a... poo. :P

Nice.

Thats a pretty nice poem. It makes some sense. keep it up.