Misery incased in words

At night I watch the sky
Can’t help but wonder why
I’m living in this prison
Looking for a reason to die
Maybe it’s all the lies
All the stress that I’m feeling
Since I was a child my wounds have never healed continued bleeding
Still remember memories so vividly
Pictures crystal clear full of pains and they missing me
Can’t escape my destiny
To live is to suffer
I guess I’m living too much
Cause all I see is misery
With every day that I touch
Can’t really trust anybody well just a chosen few
Been fooled so many times
My mind is so confused
My heart is at a loss for love
It’s so plain and clear to see
Not by the eyes but from the heart that cares for me
Only if you care for this lonely soul
You will see the pain in my eyes
But if you don’t then you will know
A happy mask keeps the pain in disguise
At times I want to cry
Cause I feel so hopeless
But I try not to shed a tear
In fear of a scar will be reopened
An image forms in the back of my mind
When tears fall from my eyes
I’m thinking about the times
That hurt me all because I’m crying
So I stop and don’t want to start again
Pretty soon the grief builds up
But I just keep holding it in
Now it’s been so long I can't cry even if I tried
I’m feeling numb to the world
Emotions erased from inside
I’m growing cold and now I don’t want to sleep
Cause now it’s my dreams haunting me
When will I find peace?
Honestly how will I find myself in this hood?
Where everything is so misunderstood
I’m treated like I’m nothing
Not even a person
And as my heart keeps on pumping
My attitude worsens
Suddenly I’m not the innocent child I use to be
Mind full of demons, reasons to react violently
A life not worth living
Except for those that I love
My best friends the love there giving
Plus family moving above
I hope to change but this world is so crazed
Making me reflect its ways
It’s hard to remain the same
Hopefully in time I can change
But for now I’m living cursed
Watching the rain hit the window
Thinking about tomorrow as this day goes by slow
Tomorrows another day
Better for me to see a clear sky
Once again it may be gray
Clouds dropping rain like tears from the eye
As each day passes I’m going to keep searching
For a day full of sunshine to evaporate what’s hurting
I just got to have faith and patience to learn
Teachings for the road in which painful memories burn
No matter how hard it gets I’m going to hold my head
Keep it held up high and strive for excellence, before I’m dead
I want to see the world and the beauty for which it holds
Get out this way of living threw struggles its getting old
hell with smoking weed or drinking I will never consume
A slow form of suicide just to help me threw
I’d rather live each day clear sited to reality
Than be drugged up on death disillusioned to insanity
It only makes me stronger the way I choose to live
Not an angel but I can see why others seem to think I’m is
Things will be different one day don’t worry just hold on
That’s what I’m doing every day excepting and being strong

that’s all it takes, you just gotta have heart.