Time (Lanturne)

For a Lanturne it's hard to write a detailed comment. I'll try my best though.

The topic you chose was good. And the way you've written it was also good considering you could only write so little. You got straight to the point and your syllable counts were right too. A pretty good Lanturne. Keep it up! 5/5

Natalie``

Very Nice! 5/5 you deserve no less... Lanturne seems so cool :) Just a little tip thinger.... You Dont Have To Take It. But... I'm not sure how many --- u r suppose to have before it but it looks a little better like this:

----------Time
--------Seems to
--------Disappear
-----As the days go
-----------By

I changed pass to go ... only because pass was a longer word than go.. pass seemed to stick out from the side...

n e ways great poem!
5/5

Im not really a fan of such simple poetry, though this does state a very true and concise point and it is accurate for the specifications to which it was written.

i do think that u could expand on this, maybe use it as an introduction to a longer poem, with more depth, really explore the theme of this in detail, and perhaps end with another 'lanturne'.

thats just my opinion though because as i said, im not a fan of simple poetry, it doesnt really have any emotions or, erm, depth!!

Apart from the fact that you have a self-refuting statement it's fine. That being that time definitely does disappear with the days passing, no one can stop it.

You have to give this idea more meaning, tempo or emotion to get your idea across more precisely.

So what you have to do is think to yourself 'what makes time disappear for you?' and put that into this interesting piece.

Gosh i know! time doest disapear!
great poem! ive never tried to write this kind of poem, but it looks cool so i might give it a go! great poem!
love mel