My past..

Sitting here
I remember my past
Unforgetful, and full of fear
Wanting life to go by fast

Days and months have gone by
And my emotions are still the same
Still wanting to die
Still sick with shame

With every tear that taints my skin
My heart weakens with pain
For every disgraceful sin
I cry and walk in the rain

Lyrics of sad songs lay on my bed
I read them carefully
Each verse reminds me of the pain that lies ahead

The poems I wrote are ripped into pieces and thrown away
Leaving me some space to write more
To write about another dreadful day
To write about the guy I adored..

what guy?
The one I lost?
The one that ignores me when he walks by?

I remember my childhood
Full of innocence and laughter
Who knew that soon it would all be a disaster

My childhood is what I want most of all
To go back in time and enjoy it all over again
Nothing better then jumping into a pile of leaves in the fall

But now it\\\'s different
The fall reminds me of death
The flowers and plants die
Its as if someone sucked out their breath

I\\\'m still here
Sitting and crying
But know I\\\'m starting to heal
Starting to live instead of dying.