Sleep has not been something to come easy lately.
I don't know why.
My eyes are shut and I am at the point where
my lids are heavy and
each time I try to open them they snap shut again.
But Sleep does not come
I hate all this all I want to do is Sleep,
I want the next day to come to chase away
memories from the previous day,
dark circles are beginning to form
and arguments have become a daily routine
Nothing is unusual about them,
just an everyday thing.
There are so many thoughts running through my mind
and I cannot seem to hold on to each for more than a few seconds.
as my m i n d jumps from issue to issue
I am disoriented and confused
my eyes are tired but my body does not seem to follow suit.
I am tossing and turning
Searching for the blackness that will in turn
deliver comfort and peace and rejuvenate my body and mind.
I want to stop fighting the demons that tear me apart.
I want my heart to stop all its weeping
It is pointless
my mind is set but my heart is ever-changing.
The strings are being pulled,
and growing t i g h t e r
with each passing day.
I am beginning to suffocate
there are too many issues to deal with.
and the wounds just keep getting larger.
Someone keeps picking at the scabs,
and they will surely scar
leaving behind a permanent mark
a promise never to fade.
All the little things add up eventually
and I've been biting my tongue so long
i thinks its starting to bleed.
I am sick of locking the door
out of protection for myself
because no one can seem to find the key
when its hidden just below the welcome mat
I am opening up the door
I want to let people in
but the door has swollen and it's stuck in the fame
and I'm hugging my knees up to my chest
because I've realized there is no way out
and i am trapped.
I've tried unbuttoning all the buttons you've pushed
and forgetting about it all
but forgetting doesn't seem to be in my nature
and I'm loosing all hope.
So please stop tugging on the strings to my h e a r t
I've spent enough sleepless nights
contemplating our relationship,
our situation
Please stop denying me of my
f r e e d o m
of choice
of speech
and
of mind
Because once I get around you
my tongue
is in knots
and I cannot speak
But what would it matter if I could?
Because I know for wanting you to listen to me would be
f a l s e h o p e s
