Forever Deep

I lay in a puddle of my own despair.
Gently caressing my aching heart.
The bathroom door rattles calmly.
And I yell for them to go away.
I cry on the thoughts that intrudes on me.
Screaming for the pain to go away.
The door shivers again.
This time. . .my mom.
She wants to know if I'm okay,
if anything was bothering me.
"I'm okay, just need to be alone."
I think she went away.
. . .I thought my addiction had died.
I thought i was cured.
But three, fresh scars begged to differ.
I trembled in fright and hated what i had done.
I wanted to stop but didn't know how.
The bladed dripped with my blood.
The tiles painted in my pain.
My head burned and melted into fire.
My heart sunk so far away.
Darkness found my body.
Despair located my soul.
I was weak. . .too weak.
But not enough.
Not enough to stay alive.
I sat up and reached for my cure.
My fingertips draped in happiness.
Happiness that i had freed.
I needed to see my happiness,
for i couldn't feel it.
Now i wanted to see more.
Not just a trickle.
A river, a flood just more of it.
I grabbed my blood-drenched cure
and reintroduced it to my flesh.
This time i wanted deeper.
This time I wanted my happiness to spill out forever.
I cried and cringed as the cure impaled me.
But I was happy.
This time it would be forever deep.