My Armor

I sit in front of you
Smiling
Iâ??m happy
I show it
I know it
And yet
What you see
Is not the true me
What you see
Is not always
What is
You see my armor
Smiling
Shining
Smart
Funny
Happy
Joyful
Avid
And animate
You see these feelings
Surround me
Everyday
This is my armor
My shield
My helmet
My breastplate
It is as hard as a rock
For most no one
Can see past it
You see the golden shine
Reflecting
From your mindâ??s eye
My smile
My laugh
My hugs
My comfort
My ease
All of it
You see
Yet do you know
How deep the scars are cut
How real the mask appears
And yet
How fake all of it is
Everyday
This is the side of me
That you see
Yet behind it all
My eyes are teary
My hands shaking
My heart thumping fast
Crying
Painful
Barely able to move
All of it
It hurts so much
No more
You have seen through my armor
Itâ??s too much
You are too close
I canâ??t get hurt again
I wonâ??t lose someone else
No more shall my flesh
Be revealed
So shall my armor
Hide my feelings
As I sink into the ever growing darkness
And hold all within
And even when the tears
Threaten to break way
I know in my heart
That they must not
For their happiness
Your happiness
Depends on my tears
Being left unshed
My tears unshed
The words unspoken
The pain unknown
This is my armor
Gold
Shining
Yet
It is lead like
And heavy
It is the mask
The outer me
That I wear everyday
To hide myself
From the world
And keep me hidden
For all time
To stay unhurt
Because someone came too close
No one will see past my armor
No one
The tears
The pain
The scars
The hurt
It is all hidden
Locked away
All that shall be seen
And is seen
Is the smile
The laughter
The happiness
The joy
My armor will prevail.
It will hold fast
Even when the cracks grow
In size and number
I will not let them break
For I will heal them
And let no one in
Let no one see beyond my armor
Beyond my shield
The heart you see
A heart of gold
Love
Laughter
Hope
Joy
Strength
And yet the heart that is really there
Is one that has been
Beaten
Battered
Hurt
Torn
And so much more
This is my armor
This is who I am
My armor
Is all you see
Never shall you know
If something is really wrong with me
For it shall be held
Within the walls
Of my armor