The curse

When my life starts going striaght
something always goes wrong
i got used to my sorrows
my relationship disasters
and the near death experiences

i bonded with my family
and showed them i cared
i did everything in my power
to cure me of my lonliness
and set myself free from despair

i made new friends
and got in touch with old ones
i put on a smile for the whole wide world
and i hoped it would make me feel better
but somehow it just relieved me for a while

i had some fun with aquaintences
and had flings all night long
it made me forget about my fears
and fill me up with happineess
something i hadnt had in years

the more happy i tried to make myself
the more things seemed to backfire
people knew i wasnt like this
and kept asking 'whats wrong'
but i kept my cool and just smiled

i stopped seeing my psychiatrist
about my cinfidence levels
as trying committing suicide
apparently isn't normal
see, i even fooled him!

so now Ive made myself pretty
and talk and laugh like normal
but inside lurking hides
a person so different
with no-one to confide

things that went wrong
the deaths of my family
the leaving of my partner
my instincts they were dead
and i could not hear anyones concern

it is like a curse
a curse that fills you with depression
wanting to hide, wanting to die
because deep down you know
it would be better for everyone