Looking into your eyes

I look into your eyes, I see a beautiful soul trying to hide herself in the darkness.
You should be in the light guiding others.

Below is your poem with suggested corrections:

I look into your eyes
wondering why I see
the things that I do
as I look into your eyes.

I look into your eyes
and I see pain and sorrow,
love and hate,
as I look into your eyes.

I look into your eyes.
All I see is your dad and mum
and a picture of me
as I look into your eyes.

I look into your eyes.
I see the terror .
I pull out the knife
as I look into your eyes.

I look into your eyes
as I stab you in the chest.
I see all the pain
as I look into your eyes.

I look into your eyes
as your lips curl
into a huge smile
as I look into your eyes.

I look into your eyes.
I see the thank you
you give for saving your life
as I look into your eyes.

I look into your eyes:
cold and dark and lifeless.
I see peace and love
as I look into your eyes.

I look into your eyes
and for the last time
I see your troubles die
as I look into your eyes.

I will say I originally didn't like all the "look into your eyes" as I went through before just correcting all the lowercase "I"s, but this was actually a very unique poem that benefitted from the repetition. Violent, yes; beautiful nonetheless. I very much so enjoy the last line!

Comment 3 of 12.

5/5
IdTakeABulletForYou

Ummm, your name isn't a joke...that was honestly disturbing! I mean, as odd as this is, I did like how you worded it and I liked how it repeated itself, but still a little different. Lol, hope you understand, heehee. But keep it up!
~Jules