Will they ever forgive me?

As I stepped into the room
all of their eyes fell on me
and I felt as though there was something
that only they could see

Self-consciously I watched
as the heads all turned
while I tried to ignore
my wrist as it burned

I pretended as I had
every other day
that everything was fine
everything was okay

But even as I tried to
convince myself
I knew that they all knew
about my life of hell

And I'm not even sure
when the first tear fell
I'm not even sure
when they all could tell

But now that they know
will it be the same
and will they pretend
to play my game

Will they ever understand
why I did this to me
will they ever know
how this made me happy

To inflict pain upon myself
so I could control fate
whether to allow me to live
or push me past the hate

To allow me to finally
be able to die
so no longer would
I weep, no longer would I cry

Will they ever forgive
me for what I have done
or is it time to give up and say
that death has finally won?