Addiction

In this crowed of gray
I wish you were here
and I am not the same as before
I have changed
I once was happy
But I have become a beast
and I feel bad for you my love because you will never know that my addiction is growing
And its eating me alive, but with out that high I feel sick I need to feel that high I need it I need it I need it.
I have become just another face that has fallen into the never ending blackness of addiction.
I am sickened by the thought of what I have become and what I use to be
this addiction is slowly taking my life I can feel it when I breathe slowly I loss myself.
But I have found away out
of the pain that is haunting me. The images of hate and fear always with in me always and forever they will haunt me like the face of death waiting to consume me.
I am sorry for this but it was going to happen in the end.
That high is going to break me in two till there is nothing left of me.
I need him more then ever, but I will never tell him because I don't want him to know that I need him.
I really do want to stop but I feel his sickness and its building in me and I want it to stop so I kill it with death and this beast in me is a block big and scary haunting me as I scream in pain this high is ripping at my soul and the thoughts in my head never ending thoughts
Always going every voice over and over storms of light and thoughts that turn into black, black like hate the hate of a soul that is never coming back and will never find away out.