The fear of going back

My worst fear, is that I will go back and make the same mistakes
And that I will stop believing in myself and go against my instincts
I was in a war with my depression and I lost
and trust me at a big cost
I don't want to give in to the temptation to slash
i don't want to get into this again. ill crash
like a car driving on ice doing 95
i cant count how many times ive cried
the high i got from that blade
it was the pain i could control, the pain i made
guess i didnt think that my friends were hurt by it too
and how my family felt when they saw how much i wanted my life to be through
but then i didnt care about anything at all
life sucked and i was ready to fall
further down then i already had been
and im afraid to let the blade win again