I can feel the coldness rush into my heart,
As you sit next to me on the bench.
You sit close to me,
And reach for my hand.
I want so much to hold it,
And feel the warmth it would give me.
But instead I pull my hand away before you can reach it.
I can feel the sadness hit you harder when I did that.
I start to speak,
But no words come out.
I sigh,
Disappointed with myself.
I look down,
Thinking of how to start.
But you take the liberty of doing that for me.
You always did that for me.
No matter how uncomfortable I felt,
You always knew when and what to do when I needed it.
You tell me that you love me,
And you never meant to hurt me.
You want to start over,
And you want me to forgive you.
You said you didn't know what you were doing,
And now you know what you want in life.
You want me...
I sit there,
In complete silence.
And you know you have to wait for a response.
I soak in everything.
I want to say that I love you too,
And that I forgive you.
All I want is you in life.
I want to squeeze you,
And let my tears fall free.
But I don't.
I look at you and say:
" I can never forgive you or my sister for what you have done.
I love you and I always will,
But I forgave you once and I'm not doing it again."
A few tears fall down and I swallow hard.
I continue,
"All I wanted in life was you,
And now I can never have you.
I know I need to let go.
I need to let go of the only man that can help my wounds heal,
The man that started the wounds in the first place."
I lean forward and kiss your cheek.
I sit back and I can see your face out of the corner of my eye.
I can see tears.
But I know if I look I will never be able to turn away.
Your eyes and the sad look of pain will draw me in,
And I will take you back.
I can't this time.
I watch as a leaf dances in front of us.
The wind is the music.
It's amazing how happy the leaf makes me feel.
The breeze gently caresses my face,
And I know a new beginning is right down the path up ahead.
I stand up and stand in place for a moment.
I start to walk away slowly,
And I hear you quietly say, "I love you too."
I turn around and smile,
Telling you there may be hope.
And you nod as an understanding.
I turn back and smile at the sun warming my face.
I know things will be okay,
As long as I'm not afraid to let go.
