When You Can

You hold him tight,
Not wanting to let go,
You don't know when
you'll see him again or
when you'll touch him again
Though he wont be far away.
I'd replace the second again with once more .

So you spend all the time you can with him,
making sure you never give him reason to leave you.
He makes you laugh, not many can do that any more,
He may not be perfect but he has always there for you,
When other's haven't and you have been there for him.
Though he may not have realized that at the time.
Really easy to relate to ..

He is what keeps you going.
With out him you would have nothing.
You would never do anything to hurt him,
and you hope he would never hurt you,
You just try to live one day at a time,
Preying to God he will always be with you.
*Praying

Always spending as much time
with him as you possible can.
*possibly
Getting to know him a little better
when ever you can get past
the shields he puts up around his heart.
That are slowly coming down for you.

When you can you tell him "I love you."

I really like this poem . The lines flow easily one into the other . 5/5

This is a really good poem. In fact I think this is the best poem that I've read from you so far.

This poem really doesn't have anything that I would change about it. I would leave it the way it is. I could probably pick out little things just to say I was helpful, but in all honesty I wouldn't change a thing.

Very powerful and compelling poem.

5/5

To let go, = to let go(*.) (just a suggestion)
him again = him again(*,) (comma use)
though = although (helps the flow)
wont = won't (common sense)
laugh, not = laugh(*;) not (semi-colon suggestion)
that any more, = that any more(*.) (replace the comma with a period to help the flow)
perfect but he = perfect(*,) but he
emit the following line: "Though he may not have realized that at the time." Due to wrecking the flow and not making too much sense =]
would never hurt you, = would never hurt you(*.) (period =])
Preying to God = praying to god (spelling)
you possible can. = you possibly can (use the right form)

This poem is OKAY, but not the best I have personally ever read. All the errors seem to take away from the poems' atmosphere, and the poem seems to repeat itself, although I'm not sure if it is because it's a song as well. The last line seems just thrown in there... like it all ends so suddenly because you didn't feel like ending it properly (not to be mean =]). I suggest you add more to the poem as well as a new ending =]

Well written,
5/5
~Stephen White

Pretty good, title caught my eye

Great poem, good use of emotive words and great rhythm... keep it up ^_^