The voice

Short but deep. I liked the flow of this poem and the imagery of it to. It really pulled me into it. I only think that it should have been a little longer though. So that you could have explained what did the voice want, why was it taunting you, etc. Other then that I think that you have done a wonderful job, this being your first poem and all. I suggest that you keep writing and reading different poets on this site that have great skills. Keep up the wonderful work hun! 5/5

Best wishes
Letty

This is a wonderful start, a very nice short poem. I think your flow was very nice and the words you chose were very suitable. Good job 5/5

Very well written, but just look out for some puncuation needed and capitolize some of your letters. Overall it was very good! 5/5 still!

God Bless,
Taylor

OK, first thing this poem needs is punctuation. It's the most underrated tool in the poet's arsenal. With proper punctuation you'll be able to guide the reader through the poem and them stop and reflect in the areas that you want. It also helps to create rythm and flow.

This could maybe be reformatted so that the first and second stanzas are joined and likewise with the third and fourth. The break disrupts the flow where you are continuing the tale.

The first use of deafen is a bad choice of words, it's being used in the wrong context and soften or quieten would be much more suitable. If you want to keep it then you must let the reader know what the voice will deafen its scream with.

'I couldn't take it any more' you're using could in the wrong tense, it should be can't. (couldn't being past tense instead of the present in which you are narrating)

also it should be satisfy, not satisfied, for the same reason.

Technicalities aside the poem is interesting espescially as I have not read apoem of this ilk on this site before... and I've read a lot of poems here. So in that respect it is original and thought provoking, to me, at least.

Bret

I love this poem. It's awesome. I love that you left it for the person to decide what it's talking about for themselves (whether it be self mutilation, eating disorders, or any other bad habit or thing someone might by addicted to). It can catch a personal level and mean something different to everyone. I love it.

~Scarlett