Take those eyes and leave

I like this, but the only critism is the way you have presented it, as a bock try try cutting it down into verses!!

So you have a definite style of your own. This piece is a showcase of your excellent shifts in perceptions and such. One thing I will say is that it seems like your content and imagery and message, in this poem, is done exceedingly well, yet for some reason it (for me) has an awkward flow. One that doesn't pull you along, but falls on its back then starts flying by the end of the line -- only to fall again.

I'm wanting to say: use the line breaks more to your advantage, for flow. Like if I said
Go and I wanted everyone to believe
it i'd have to really know
where I'd want to lead
the following bunch of
knots and hairclips
(andeyes)
... and I'm wanting to say that because that's what I've taken a liking to, and think it could help you out tremendously. You have shifts, but you don't carry them down (a lot of the time) to the next line, where effect could me multiplied; surprising us. But it was awesome and I figured I may as well say something besides the same ol'. You're very good with making the imagery believable; like 'veined' wings and 'dotted' mirrors.