Letter to my Aunt

Dear Stella,
October is rolling in again,
The anniversary of you and my best friend...
I can't believe 2 years are already gone,
Things though, still feel so completely wrong.
You raised me into a better person than this,
I can't explain how much of you i miss!
Once your heart stopped beating,
My life started misleading...
I got into things that you dreaded me of doing,
The alcohol, boys and drugs, yeah i was using!
You always told me to never go that way in life,
But i just didn't know how to even live right!
I promised you i would always make you proud...
But how could you smile when i was lost in the crowd?
I'm sorry for the pain that i have caused you,
Everything i did and the things i still do.
I'm paying the price now, though,
I ask God why, but probably because you said so.
I'm so sorry i didn't listen to you,
Maybe if i did, life would be easier to get through...
I try to protect people i care about,
So they don't fall into the middle of doubt.
I'd hate to see someone become my past,
And have a scar to permanently last...
If only i listened to you
Then the statistics wouldn't be true...
I'd be having a regular heart beat,
And i wouldn't be constantly in the doctor's seat.
I wouldn't be on medicine to help save my heart,
I wouldn't have had my life fall apart.
I would still have years and years added on to my life,
I wouldn't be scared to fall asleep at night.
If only I listened to you...
Then this consequential hell i wouldn't be going through

*For My Aunt Stella who raised me with my gram... i love and miss you so much*