Answer darklight

Light so dark and bright eliminating all yet with the darkest brilliance of a fading soul. Desperation is all I know a secret kept hidden almost invisible until the brilliant dark light shines over the sour place in my heart. The pains of love heals slowly killing over again and again until the wound no longer inflicts pain only a numb suffering. Looking out on life the glom of the dark age in witch I cast my self the suffering I chose to indoor. Questions form in foreign tongues a language of my own meant for my ears alone are to fall deft in the ears of those that can not understand. What is the answer to the question that drives me to live to find the reason the truth behind it to decipher what the answer truly means to me. My thoughts are flawed my personality standing locked in mortal combats trying desperately to understand my self yet pushing the connection away. With the power of two apposing magnets the ends never meet and the struggle endures fighting for dear life for if one side falters they other will shorely be destroyed for better are worst. The question I cant escape that I wish to find is "What do I truly wont?" what is it I wont to take from my time here? what is the thing keeping me alive?.