Far Away

by {Miss} [A][L][L][I][S][O][N]   Sep 28, 2006


Tears fall from my eyes
Leaving a perfect pattern of innocence
Across my heated cheeks
And the pain in your eyes
Is worse than mine
As you whisper in my ear
That you hate in when I cry
And your words can't stop
The tyrant of tears so
Your fingers slip through mine
As a rotating airport door
Blurs what we thought was life.

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  • 18 years ago

    by PnQ Mod Account

    This is a great poem Allison.

    I can feel the sadness (I know how those airport tears feel!!)

    Just a couple suggestions to make this poem perfet:

    1. "That you hate in when I cry" (in should be it)

    2. And your words can't stop (I think it might sound better if you either take out the "and" or change it to "But"

    3. "tyrant" - I think the word you are wanting is "torrent"

    Great work!

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