The Storm

WOW THIS WAS EXCELLENT 555,,very good wording ryhmning,imagery and flow hope this vote brings the 4.9-5.0

Just so you know, since you did win im giving you very indepth critique- but dont think that i hate your poems and they are horrid! lol. i just konw you are a great writer so i want to hepl you to you highest potential.
~*
i like the syncopated rhythm of this poem its very cool but you should watch it a little, in a few spots it breaks up the main ideas and is a little choppy.
*some of the language is slightly-i dont know- young.
~Ex of both those things^
Lightning strikes and *lights* maybe illuminates?*
the sky a beautiful shade
of gold.
and i think it could be-
Lightning strikes and illuminates the sky
a beautiful shade of gold.

*Lastly the ending is a little dorky- thats what? it should be changed, and 'thats what' shoudl be removed.

but a great poem., better than alot.

5/5

x.x:Lauren

Hey well done! i done really like this kind of poem, as i said before, i but im not going to vote you down, just because of my taste.
i like the way you written this poem, it rhymes well, the nly thing i would suggest is to capitialise all the I's in words like In and It's. i don't get bothered by that, but some people do.
Anyways, well done def 5/5
Love Mel

Wow, I love your nature poems.. The imagery is so beautiful and really draws the reader in.. The flow worked pretty well and the descriptions were nice.. Nicely done, keep it up! 5/5

Hm, interesting impression of a storm. My only question is what does the storm think of itself? If I had any criticism, it would be to use more metaphors in your descriptions. But then again, looking at my own ungodly scrawl, I'm not one to talk. Good little poem.