The one that is both of us

If i could do it over again
i would do everything perfectly just to keep you
you were my love, my only
we had so much in common, yet so different
you left such an imprint
what just happened?
what have i done for you to loathe me?
suddenly it was over and finished forever
thus the beginning of my end
now i truly know the meaning of lonely
i would do anything for you
if only i had the chance
did you ever love me
or was it your plan all along?
i suppose i will never know
but i do know that i still love you
sometimes i remember the little boy
he was so naive, if only he knew he was nothing more than her toy
look what i have become
mutated into this hating machine
numb to emotions, with no feelings or caring for others
please understand that the boy is no more
unable to forget
you will always be apart of my life
fighting for the one that is both of us
my love for you is my noose
that i will never be able to cut loose
it's been sixteen years of complete darkness without you
(seems like a thousand more)
still i scar myself from memories of your kiss
i try to hide my hurt, but you can see through me all the time
you love to see me squirm
we always talked about being together forever
deep down i think you knew we'd never
this life has become much more than i can handle
surrounded by confusion, betrayal
guilt starts to choke me as i think of the ones i abused
the little boy's world crumbled on top of him
i'm still buried underneath this rubble
nothing seems worthwhile anymore
my life has become dim
will it always hurt this badly?