Hey u!.. yeah way to start off!!!.. your awesome!.. i don't think that i would change anything about it.. you are very good so far.. i am looking forward to seeing more poems from you soon!
love ya lots
Lindsay

Hmmm quite good however the flow isn't perfect and the wors use drags it down, although I love the start sentence of eery verse, and the last part is perfect! 4/5

Amazing its great! just keep on writing coz i can see u have the talent to show so keep it up and god bless u i like your poem 5/5