Afraid

Oh my vulnerable heart,
you've gone and done it again.
Reaching for dreams and stars
that can't possibly be your own
You do not deserve such glory.

Oh how i love you so,
but the pain of the past...
Sometimes. Sometimes is too much.

Time is nothing but regrets in disguise.
Memories are nothing but my heart's demise.

And there I stood,
feeling so guilty
As she walked by...
And she looked at me...
the way they used to look at me
the way...they still look at me.
And for one moment, I was afraid.

Tensing, Hating, I snarled and glared
Wanting, Waiting to rip her throat out,
Dying to dig my claws into her flesh...
Craving to spill blood, slice her neck.
Its what she deserved. its what they all deserved.
They have no right to judge what they do not know.
And they do not know me. and they don't know my past.

Time is nothing but regrets in disguise.
Memories are nothing but my heart's demise.

But with the one shred of conscience I had.
I tucked my tail between my legs and ran...
Away...away from their accusing eyes...
Accusing eyes I had seen too many times before.

But i had never meant, never meant to leave you
Never meant to push you away or cause you harm
So longing to fall into your arms and hide away
They were open and ready, penetrating your love
But i had been betrayed too many times to know...
You meant me no harm. You only offered me love.

But the anger overthrew me, an unspeakable rage
I didn't mean to scare you, didn't want you to see
but i just wanted to kill something, anything
I wanted to rip, to tear, out every memory...
that had scarred me evermore, left without dignity.

Time is nothing but regrets in disguise.
Memories are nothing but my heart's demise.

And for one more moment, I was afraid.
And as i ran, i could feel bridges burning...
Every little happiness i had created with you
I felt my world once more crumbling to the floor.
I had gone and done it again. I had remembered.

Tense, eyes wide, fast breathing. Trapped.
Backed up in a corner, fear surrounded me...
Your arms welcomed me, but all I saw was a threat
Blinded by the way your long gaze struck me down
And I couldn't bear to look into your eyes for fear...
Fear of seeing his, icy blue, stabbing me...killing...
Oh how his very touch burned through my fragile skin
I didn't want your touch to suddenly feel the same.

I wish i could have shrunken away from it all
wish i could have hid myself away in my fur
But there you still stood, you didn't give up
Everything that I trusted, right in front of me
the world seemed so dead without your embrace
And so with all the courage I had, I gave in.
I gave in to the grace and beauty of your love
Of eyes that could heal, never bringing me harm.

Time is nothing but regrets in disguise.
Memories are nothing but my heart's demise.

Remember I will always love you,
and I would never leave...
but also remember the past
has left me betrayed, damaged.
And it will take all your strength
To save me from the memories of myself.