Once upon a sad time

Hey. First of all I want to say, good idea for tryin' a new angle on speaking directly to the reader. I can't say I love it, but it is new and I did appreciate the thought that was included in it. The one thing that I personally found distracting though was just the grammar, and it's lack of organization. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a good write, and the emotion in it is actually the important thing. But I have found that poems are easier to connect to, nicer to read, and just overall seem better when you can read through and not have to stop and re-read. Just put some periods, or seperate them through lines. Anyway you want really, I just think it deserves to stand out and look as good as it sounds. Please don't take this the wrong way, the write itself was really good. I just thought I'd share that part of my opinion with you. Please take no offense of it, as I don't mean it that way...
Anyway, keep writing and I'll keep comin' back :)