When the fake smiles and laughs have both faded to nothing and reality sits in at last, I am left with an emptiness that eats away at my soul and mind. Flash backs of past woes come flooding back, and I taste the bitter taste of defeat of failures gone by. I dwell on the pain and focus on the anguish that squeezes this heart of mine. I have no joy.
When the drudgery of a single day ends I come back to an empty apartment. Where the walls are cold and white, and emptiness fills each room. Where life is no where to be found, and the only sounds that stir are the voices of memories within my mind. No pitter patters of little feet. No sounds of life, of love, of happy heart. Just silence. Sweet, lonely unforgiving silence.
No wife or kids to call my own. Just a small apartment with a television and an old sofa. The light of shade less lamp illuminates this tomb of mine, casting long awkward shadows upon the walls.
My shadow is my only friend. But even he leaves me when times go dark.
Day after day I sit here and wait for it to happen. What it is...I do not know. I guess I will know when it happens. If it happens.
I sit staring at my door waiting for a guest who never comes. Who is that someone? I don’t know but I expect Him. My soul...it…calls out for Him.
Days would pass and my doorway remained empty. Why do I even wait? Why do I still exist? What’s my purpose? I felt as if my life had no meaning… but still my soul longed for this visit. So I calmed my heart and sat back down and waited. And waited.
Death and silence kept me company as I waited for the Giver of Life.
One day as I sat on my sofa, contemplating life, my visitor came at last. A knock at the door indicated His presence. I jumped up and open the door. There stood a tall man, wide shoulders with piercing eyes that seemed to peer into the inner most parts of my mind.
Something in me compelled me to fall at His feet, but my pride held me back.
I let Him in and offered Him some coffee. We sat down and talked for a while. He told me He missed talking to me, but I never knew we met before. His voice sounded so familiar but I could not remember from where I first heard it. I knew that we knew each other once – I guess we just lost contact over the years. Or maybe He was always there but I just never sought Him.
Like grasping for pieces of a dream that quickly fades away when morning breaks, my mind reached for memories of Him but my grasps came back empty and unfulfilled.
Who was this familiar stranger?
We talked about me a lot. About how stale I felt my life was. How dead I felt inside. About this void in my heart that my soul has been trying to filll for so long. With each word I spoke I saw a gentle look of sympathy gather in His eyes. Like a father listening to his child tell him about how he scraped a knee. His eyes slowly swelled up with tears as I told him about my struggles and how I have nothing to live for anymore. My visitor embraced me and told me He will always be there for me if I just seek Him in the darkness.
We talked until the chilly air of a dawning day crept through the window pane. I didn’t want Him to leave! But I knew some how that He would, in some odd way, never leave my side.
I rose up and walked Him to the door and gave Him one last hug before He left. But before He left He asked me to remember His visit and to never forget to give Him a call sometime. Just to talk.
And as I watched Him walk away something in me stirred me to such a point that tears began to shamelessly flow from my eyes. I dropped to my knees and called for Him, “Jesus!", I pleaded, "Please don’t leave me, I need you in my life!â€
(A quiet morning disrupted by pleas to my Savior. The only sound that remained was the gentle hush of the morning wind...and in the distance the grass and trees rustled a soft whisper.)
He paused in His steps. Looked over His shoulder, smiled and waved me over His way. So without hesitation I left my cold, lonely apartment behind and walked with Him into a bright and beautiful new day.
He who leaves his life behind
eternal life he will surely find.
Do not hesitate nor think twice,
just follow me - The Risen Christ
