Cool style!

It was an unusual style but I liked it! Jpoet*

Jeannie,
This poem brought tears to my eyes . The emotion set forth within the wording was just so heart-touching .

When...
Does the pain of one single breath
Consume every part of you, giving no rest.
^^
amazing lines !

Wonderfully written, my friend a " poetic trail " of heartache .

The way you have wanted to write this poem is very nice, but I think you could have done a better job in putting those ideas and words together.

I really feel the flow is Choppy.

In the following paragraphs,

Only...
A heartache can heal given time
But it hasn't felt better, it's crushed in my mind.

Breathe...
I keep saying, time will heal my heart
But for now, broken pieces are falling apart.

The first words i.e., Only and Breathe are not quite relative to the next two lines.

Hurts...
Have come and gone in my days
Brought on by the games that you have played.

When...
Does the pain of one single breath
Consume every part of you, giving no rest.

I...
Feel all the anger inside of my soul
Unleashed on the ones that I want to hold.

The last stanza has no concept word like the others. I did not like that.

In the below line, is it necessary for "J" to be capital in "just".
"Rehashing old memories, Just soon forgot"

As a whole, it is a nice try but needs finetuning.

The best stanzas in terms of flow and language are: