Broken Angel [English Sonnet]

Jeannie,

First thing that came to my mind is that, the concept is very general here and there are a lot of poems written by many on this context. So your poem will have to be extraordinarily good to be appreciated when you write on such a general concept. Further to this, the poem refers to no particular event that highlights and hence describes your concept. It refers to general views and actions of humankind. I hope you are getting what I am saying. k; I will explain further. To give you a hint of mass psychology, a concept or a message is better related to and understood by people when a event that they might have experienced directly or indirectly is described to them and the message through the impact of such an event.

For a sonnet, the rhyming scheme is a bit off and the "don't" in the end of third stanza must be "doesn't" or does not, as I believe that English must be accurate at such a traditional style, but then it affect's the syllable count; so you will have to probably rephrase the line.

I am not really quite sure as to how powerful your vision was, first stanza and third seems ok, but last second is better and the last is good. Flow, again I am not able to decide as I am not able to decide on your Vision at all.

I rather think that, there is a lot of scope for improvement but I cannot relly point my fingers at anything specific. It just does not give me that feel of sorrow with a touch of exhilartion for war and death.