I think you're overall thought was really sweet, but I also believe you could dig a little deeper and express more feelings on the subject, and don't try to force it to rhyme so much. It's a nice poem...it doesn't need perfection! Jpoet*

I agree with the idea that you dont need to focus on the rhyme scheme. The idea you want to send across is clear but it feels like its too clear. I like it, its fresh and light but it could use a little depth. All of your writing is so out there with its honesty but i would say lose the effort towards rhym scheme and put work into the way you word your thoughts.

Very well described!
I think this is a good piece of work...

Poems arent all about ryming, its good what you have done though!

Keep it up!

Danielle
X

5-5 because i think this poem described my feelings so i like it! :-D