This Star

by Carmen   Oct 9, 2006


You can stare up into the endless night sky,
At the shimmering bright stars that resemble my eyes,
Shining with a bright light of hope,
Whatever happens now, I know I can cope.
As you stare up into that sky,
I go on, still wondering why.
Things happen, as they do now,
This anger, pain, and jealousy I will not allow.
Look at the stars and remember us,
The love that was once perfect, Now gone in the dust.
You found yourself another light,
Another girl, a test on a different flight.
There are so many stars in the universe,
You have forgotten this star, but you know what's worse?
Soon the spark in your new fling will burn out,
You will think of me and forget all your doubt,
You will remember the glimmer, the fire, the shine,
You'll come back, thinking everything will be fine...
But this star is gone....
This star has moved on....

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    Great poem...lovely work...i loved the thoughtful use of metaphors...n the poem is good as it is...n i loved the last two lines n m not all that sure about the way it flowed though...but u've certainly done a good job with this one..
    Kp writing!
    xxPoojaxx

  • 17 years ago

    by Xx Eternal Fantasy xX

    Wonderful job on this. it had a really nice flow. great work. 5/5 keep up the good work.

  • 17 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    I think you could have made this one a little better, some lines are too long for the flow to stay right, and some are to short... I try to help:

    You can stare up into the night sky,
    See bright stars, resembling my eyes,
    They are shining with the light of hope,
    Whatever happens, I will cope.
    As you stare up into that sky,
    I drift on, still wondering why?
    Things happen, as they do now.
    Anger and pain, I will not allow.
    Look at the stars, remember us.
    Our perfect love, now turned to dust.
    You found yourself another light.
    Another girl, to test a different flight.

    ************
    You found yourself another star.
    I watch hopeless from afar.
    *************

    So many stars, in this big universe.
    You have forgotten this star, what's worse?
    Your spark in your new fling will burn out.
    You'll think of me and forget all doubt.
    You'll remember the glimmer, the shine.
    You'll come back, thinking everthing's fine.

    ************
    You'll remember the glimmer, the shine.
    You'll come back, wanting to be mine.
    *************
    *************
    But this special star has moved on by.
    Looking for a more faithful starry sky.
    *************

    Yes? the parts of ***** are my additions outside of the poem, not sure if you will like it but, I tried.

    Excellent.

    5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Letty

    Very powerful message conveyed in this poem. I loved it. I was immediately pulled into this poem from the beginning to the end. I only have one suggestion though:

    You come back, thinking everything will be fine...

    I think you should change You to You'll

    that is all. Other then that I think that this was a perfect piece, Great job! 5/5

    Letty

  • 17 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    Very good.

    "You have forgotten this star, but you know whats worse?"

    'Whats' should be 'what's' (note the apostrophe). Yeah, I notice small things like that, haha.

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