Self-pity Me

Second after second,
time ticks ever so slow
what should I do now?
where should I go?
stay at home,
like every other night
how bad could it be,
silence is golden, right?

Just like all my other poems,
here I sit, alone
waiting for the anything
a message, the door, the phone
but it wont ever come
and I know this deep inside
just wish I had one friend
in whom I could confide

Tell them what was wrong
say that I'm so scared
and maybe they would reply
maybe someone would care
but friends I do not have
engulfed by self-pity
it's a known fact,
I'm all alone in this capitol city

Thats right, I said it,
self-pity me
what else can I say?
how can they not see?
that burning in my eyes
hidden behind these curls
why do they all sit back
to watch this pain unfurl

What do I have to do,
to make friends who are really there?
to find even just one person,
who doesn't just pretend to care?
maybe if I fake a smile,
and pretend I'm "just that cool"
or maybe if I go "bad ass"
and try and break the rules

Then would someone see,
what is deep inside my heart?
how the beat grows ever slower
and I'm being completely torn apart
I'm trapped in this place,
and God is so unfair
all I ever ask for is one person,
but he doesn't seem to care

I pray to hold her in my arms,
without fail, every single night
but he has yet to answer,
"but maybe soon, he might"
that's what I tell myself,
to get through each day
what else is there to do?
I already do nothing but pray!

God, you hold all the cards
why have you forsaken me?
I beg you every night,
for you, how hard could it be?
all I want is this girl,
for i love her with all my heart
8 o' clock...
a bit early for depression to start

I'm sick of always being alone,
I only need one person to get by
just that single girl,
the girl for whom I'd die
so this is where I draw the line,
time to sleep so I may face this city
this is where my story ends,
this story of self-pity

Copyright © October 2006 Nikk Settell