Love who I was, Hate who I've become

I’ve had one hundred deep wounds
I’ve swam through a bunch of lies
I’ve reopened many scars
I’m used to people saying goodbye

I miss those old days of being righteous
Where I was flawless in the eyes of God
I feel he swings his head down in disappointment
I can’t remember the last time I heard my Savior applaud

I hate how it takes a little bit to make me mad
I hate how often I say a curse word
The people that use to look up to me
Are always in shock after what they’ve heard

It hurts to know the temptations I’ve been in
I’ve said yes when I should have said no
I thought I knew right from wrong
“We have one life to live” became my motto

What happened to wanting to be a leader?
I ask myself and can’t even reply
I have no excuses for my latest actions
As guilt sinks in, I can’t help but cry

Oh Jesus, why is this life so hard to live?
Why can’t I learn to be just like you?
Why can’t I wake up with reassurance everyday?
Why do I have to experience the teen blues?

Why do people say I’m weird for my actions?
What happened to uniqueness, and acceptance?
No one accepts you for who you are anymore
I always have to fake a smile in my own presence

I don’t know what I want or who I want to be
I hate this person I’ve turned out to be
People see me as perfect and always right
But they don’t know it’s just aching and killing me

I love who I used to be
With will power that no others used to have
Strength to get through the upcoming days
I have to remember old memories to make me laugh

I hate this person I have become
I just love who I was
The person who cared less of what others think
The one who didn’t do what everyone else does

God I know you’d never leave or forsake me
So please allow myself to make a change
I loved who I was in the beginning of my life
I need a little push, I don't want to remain the same