Latest Problem

With a mind racing
With circle thoughts
I can't help but wonder
How this was brought
I feel the pain
Of what I do not know
And I think slowly
It's this problem that does grow
I stay so calm on the outside
And admit to other's what I resist
But when I see a particularly happy face
I just might get the urge to hit it

I hate the drama around me
Suicide, break ups, and lies
I can't wait until I'm out of this place
And this repetition dies

I hate the insults and orders
That spews from his ugly lips
I just can't wait until he leaves
And the scale of power tips
I hate the tension
Of building actions unknown
I find I'm starting to dread
The thought of going home

I've been broken before
By friend turned I don't know what
And as I my frustration builds
I wish I could say, "I just don't give a tuck"
But I do care
And that's my big flaw
I can't help but look and comfort
When I hear some one crying in the hall

I often find myself thinking
While burning in un-aimed anger
How nice it'd be if two people argued
So I could yell at an innocent stranger

I hate the horrible hours
I've spent without hope
Just holding myself steady
Just another whiney dope
I hate the inner struggle
Of what I feel and know
And even wit this frustration
I just can't let my hope go

It's the random large mood swing
They seem to dominate my thoughts
I'll be so bright and happy
Then without notice I'm not
I'm angry or hopeless
Lost without a need to be found
I feel myself pushing for happiness
While stronger emotions hold me down

Often I wish I didn't wake up
Just to live another meaningless day
I consider how nice it'd be to sleep forever
Like any typical emo in a modern play

But I know this would be selfish
Stupid and too finally done
Even when in my darkest mood
I can try to hope for happiness and fun