The Diet

This poem is written as a conversation between two people. The dashes indicate when the other person is talking.

-I think I'll go on a diet today.
I'll eat only wholesome and healthy food.
Hooray!
-You're on a diet, you say?
Not to be rude
But I've got some advice for you.
Here's a list of treats you should ignore
Unless, that is, you don't care
Whether or not you can fit through your front door.
What say? Do you dare?
-Tell all, buddy!
First of all, avoid everything fruity and nutty.
You are what you eat, after all.
And don't you dare have fast food from the mall!
You should never ingest
Anything but the best.
-Really? Not even anything chocolatey?
-Only if you want a giant potbelly!
And make sure you don't eat anything sour
More often than once every ninety-six hours!
-Hey, I heard about that!
Tangy things will make you fat!
-That's right!
And sweet, gooey delights?
Don't even chance a single bite!
Remember just this one little rule:
Anything delectable, scrumptious, toothsome, or yummy
Will most certainly expand your tummy!
-But then won't I have to give up everything delicious?
-That's the cost of good fitness.
-Even gingerbread?
Even honey hams?
Even cheese spread?
Even candied yams?
-Well, yes.
-Even Maraschino cherries?
Even garden pepper cress?
Even aged Spanish sherries?
Even crepe suzettes?
-Of course. Did you think the journey to good shape would be easy?
-I'm feeling a bit queasy.
I'll start my diet tomorrow.
But first, to drown my sorrows
I'll go buy a big, juicy steak
Then wash it down with a thick milkshake!
-Hey, wait! You'll die of a coronary with that behavior!
-Then maybe I'll gobble down a hot dog with mustard
Complete with some frozen custard!
Thanks for showing me the light, Diet Guy! You're my savior!