This poem is quite good just dont use 2 words when 1 would do unless you need to to keep the rythm of the poem
eg a piece of paper
you tore in 2

Hmm, you sort of repeated the same thing, and I didn't really like that. Again, I liked the ideas, but I think you can express them better. Don't worry, as a young poet, you learn and you get better. Keep on writing.

Gosh this is aswomeness i love it.

Your patents spread to thin,
((First of -paitence- and second off -spreads- sounds better.))

Not a bad poem, but I didn't feel much emotion in it. The flow was a little off, however your second stanza was your strongest and very well written. Nicely done.

xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex5.5

I agree that the second staza was the strongest, the flow was a little off but the emtion was right on, aand the word choice was great. I liked the message in this one, keep up the good work.5/5

I also agree that the second staza was the strongest the poem has a great message to it you just need to work a little on how you get that message across