As I Am

Why vote on this, everyone else has said it. Wonderific

That is a wonderful poem.

Lets start with the good things first. Title.hm. is relative, quite relative after reading the poem. It has a wonderful message to people and you must have credit for that. The way in which you have used simple words to form sentencestaht bring about such deep feelings is awesome, I personaly am a admirer of poetry with complex words so I am really impressed when I say that you have used simple words effectively. The vision of the concept is good, neither excellent nor bad but it is more than enough to overcome an emotional reader or a reader who can relate to the experience, but I doubt whether it can encompass a casual reader.

Now, as you said; from one critic to another.

The first three stanzas seemed a bit off the concept as it seemes as though a second person writing whereas from the fourth stanza the poem is a firstperson narration. What I mean is that, from the fourth stanza onwards you refer to yourself with a "I" and the way you feel bu the first three stanzas is very general and does not refer to yourself, but it is neither a compelte second person writing as you have not used "you" or "they". That I think spoils the flow; I do not mean the flow of words, but only the flow od the idea.

Coming to the language,

"And gather the strength that's left all anew."

I think "all" is not needed in the above stanza. It spoils the line. I think the line would be much better as

"And gather the strength that's left anew."

"As you walk though the souls that's been left for dead."

I think "though" is supposed to be "through". And the idea of the line did nto appeal to me?? souls that's been left for dead?? The general idea is that souls do not die neither are they born, you could use a different word to represent the troubled hearts that were left uncared in that line.

"Like me, you will find a kindred of soul's "

soul's is not correct english in this line. I think it should be "souls", but if you want to personalize it, you shoudl use souls'.

That was amazing! It sent out a very good message. And I loved it. It was very inspirational. I do a thing, as you may have noticed, where I copy and paste lines I like into my comments, and with this one, I wanted to copy and paste the whole friggin poem in here lol!

"When the heart is only a beat in the mind
Of the one that has left it broken in two
Stand strong in the wake of the passing of time
And gather the strength that's left all anew."

^^ Those lines, were my favorite overall though. I really loved this piece.

5/5

-Jenna.

Good work. :)

lol i have no idea what to say to your work... lol :P

Jeannie as I read this piece it felt as though someone were there whispering it in my ear . Your wording was so very captivating that I found myself going back for a 2nd and 3rd reading .
A wonderfully written piece, that deserves a front page standing . I sincerly hope to see it there .
Amazing poetry Jeannie !