I stand here much as before,
Since then, I,m afraid not much has changed,
Not those feelings locked deep inside,
nor the facade I put on to hide,
I am not sure what I'm hiding from now,
Maybe it's the fear that I'll never belong,
Or the agony of what went on,
But today I had a thought, perhaps the same one I've been having all along,
What if I'd never met you?
Would everything have been OK,
Or with some cruel twist of fate,
would I still have ended up this way?
You know since it happened,
I haven't been able to be myself,
Admittedly because I don't know who I am anymore,
I've lost my identity, my true identity,
And that is thanks to you,
"Oh sure you have an identity you've got plenty to choose from" you'd say,
"take your pick one for each day of the week,
go on choose, fat is that it?
No, no not for today OK,
How about ugly, that not enough for you?
How about dirty, too much of an understatement?
Hold on I know what you are!
You're damaged goods,
tainted pure and simple,
a hideous monstrosity!
That's your identity!"
Those words and many more,
were etched into my soul,
With each new insult came a hole,
Till one day my identity became no more.
I locked my true self so deep inside,
It was the only safe place to hide,
There in my secluded spot no one could hurt me,
You couldn't torture me.
But now all that time and place is past,
I still can't trust anyone like I trusted you,
I don't have an identity because I locked mine up so tightly,
even I cannot find it,
so I sit here gazing at the night sky,
and I wonder what if,
What if you had never come into my life?
What if I hadn't let you in?
What if I've forgotten how to cry?
what if this never goes away?
