by Vanessa Lea Oct 15, 2006
category :
Friendship, family /
broken friendship
My heart is fallen, my soul is dim |
by Lemma
I really love the punchy finality of the last 2 lines, they really convey the feeling of anger and hurt that is felt throughout the poem. The only thing that I picked up on that might be improved is the first line of the 3rd stanza, most of your first lines are a little longer syllable-wise and the short line disrupts the flow a little. I could be wrong though, that might have been the effect you were going for. |
I really liked the poem...so sorry you and your friend are not friends anymore |