The Song

by twisted reality   Oct 15, 2006


Darkness entwined all around her,
When that horrible day occured.
From her cheek, a single tear fell,
As she said her last farewells.

Her hair was no longer silky smooth.
There was no one there to soothe,
Her dying fate she wished to come,
Sooner than it had become.

Her true, passionate love passed away.
And her world turned to black and gray.
With her mourning, she starts to sing.
She concludes her song with a broken wing.

**Hmm...I'm not overly happy with this poem, but it just came off the top of my head. Leave a comment, and tell me what you think. I always return favours. Also, it has a deeper meaning than it may appear to hold. If you're confused, feel free to PM me.**

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by BECCA lessTHANthree

    Another really great poem.. but only suggestions is to maybe add a few more stanzas its very brief..it seems like you didnt tell engough of the story

  • 18 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    It is the ending with this poem I did not like... but, I am not sure why.
    Keep writing.

    xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex 4.5

  • 18 years ago

    by Letty

    I don't know, maybe I'm a little tired or something. But I actually understood this poem better then the first one I read of yours. I can see the hidden message behind this one. And yes this is very dark. The rhyming here is a lot better and the picture you painted was perfect. I loved this poem and think that it's one of your best. 5/5

    Keep up the Exellent work.

    Best Wishes
    Letty

  • 18 years ago

    by Stacey

    Hey, i thought this poem was really good, and the flow is consistant. the only part i didnt like as much as the rest was the last line:

    "She concludes her song with a broken wing."

    a poem as good as that needs a better ending i reckon.

    would you be able to r/r/c my newest, "To Fill the Silence"? i also have two dark poems, i reckon youd be able to connect to them if you have a spare second to read them.

    on the whole that was a really good poem, keep at it! :)

  • 18 years ago

    by Christie

    I don't care how many people rate this a 4, i love this poem, 10/10!! =)

    its so touching.. some people just don't appreciate good, honest poetry. the fact that that poem came straight of the top of your head indicates ur true talent.

    keep writing, and write down all spontaneous thoughts such as this poem. =D
    xxx

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