What Once Was

My heart weighs like an anchor in my chest
Mustering strength trying the day
That voice that I got used to and longed for
Has disappeared without a trace
How difficult it is when silence is deafening
And the vision for the future is clouded once again

Who is to blame? Or does it matter anymore?
Unsure of how I make it with overwhelming sadness
Going through our memoirs brings a flurry of emotion
The rainbow of feelings that pass through my heart
Bring me to the same road of emptiness
I struggle to smile, I do but just barely

I check my phone more than I admit
No more messages, no "Love You" or "Miss You"
But this is for the best or so that's what I say
Seconds later I doubt my own words
It feels so unfair when two souls share so much
To have a glass wall between us and hindering our love

It's true when they say that you cry, you cry alone
While in laughter, everyone wants to be there
Yet that loneliness keeps me lost at work
And 2:00am becomes my bedtime
The thoughts that flow and bounce within my head
Trying to fit them like a puzzle with missing pieces

I hope for the best in her life and mine
That we were never meant to be is not what I want to think
I'd like to get to a place where I can be thankful for what she was
And how I needed just her in my life
What once was, is no longer and that's going to be okay
At least, that's what I tell myself.