My Angel?

Hold on
How?
Stand up
How?
Just moving seems to be too hard
Breathing reminds me of the pain in my heart
I needed him
He couldnt stay
I love him
He wants her
He knows the truth
He doesnt seem to care how it affects me
Kisses
Hugs
Laughter
And joy
What are they?
I cant remember
I dream of such things
Is it only a dream?
Can I see?
Can I be?
Happy with another
I didnt know how
He ends it before it starts
Pushing, teasing daring me to say stop
He knows I cant, not to him
I cant be mad
Not at him
I cant not smile
Not with him around
He loves me like a sister he says
But we still do these things again and again
Pushing and pulling getting closer and closer
Never close enough we are not married cant be that close
Trying to fight
When I see that glimmer in his eyes
It means lets play I dont care about the morals right now
My heart breaks because I cant say no
I cant tell him to stop
I nod and I giggle
Hiding my face
So he cant see the tear as it falls
I try not to look as he unzips his pants
He wants me to look
He wants me to touch
I would have before with a smile
Not now
I cant turn away he makes me stay with just words
Talks me into these things
I dont know how
God! Why cant I say no!!!
Its because Im to nice
I dont want to be rude
He is my best friend
I love him
I want him
But not like this
Not just because he suddenly felt like getting off
It makes me wonder
Am I really beautiful or just beautiful enough for this
To get what he wants so the bulge will go down
Why did he let me go where no one else had gone?
I was naive I didnt know
He had seen so much but he never let them go there
We werent dating
He knew how I felt why did he let me into that place?
That place that is no longer his own
But he doesnt care, his precious morals have faded Leaving me here alone
Not knowing what to do or where to go
I have forgoten how to be strong
It feels like my brain is draining out of my ears
I guess Im just tired
There is nothing wrong
I wonder what hes doing.
Should I call?