CUT

Never too deep, just enough to feel the pain. I needed the pain to make sure that I still feel. Sometimes it was just to watch it bleed, just to make sure that I was still alive. to see if the was really my reality, to make sure it wasn\'t just a bad dream.

'this won\'t solve anything\' ,they told me. it won\'t make your problems go away. I realize that now, but at one point, it was all I could think to do.

it was a way of escape that\'s far too complicated to ever try to explain. nobody could ever know the pain felt inside-to have a sickness that nobody can cure. it was a way to cope-it may sound stupid, but at one time, it seemed to work.

nobody will ever kno the pain of trying to stop-how hard it really is, unless they experience it first-hand. seeing someone go through it won\'t help you understand. you\'ll never understand, so don\'t try to help me. i\'m too far gone & there\'s nothing you can do.

nothing seems real anymore, I need it to know that I truly exsist.
there\'s no true exsistance without pain. pain is the only thing that let\'s me know that this is all real. pain is only what you make of it & i\'ll make of it however I want.

so don\'t judge me, get over yourself & leave me alone...