My Story (Part 3)

All in all however, year seven came and went with nothing significant happening, my grades slipped and I stopped bothering in class, but what was there to worry about? That happened at secondary school didn't it? I guess I was content just trudging along, getting the best grades I could with the least amount of work, every report said the same thing "An intelligent girl, but lazy" being a kid, it was always easier to just look at the "intelligent" part.

When year 8 arrived, I'd grown a few inches, my hair was long and unfortunately the weight had piled on. I went from chubby to just plain fat. The binges had finally caught up on me. It's funny, how an extra stone can change everything. From blending in with the crowd, you stick out. And bullies never take long to pick up on that. At my school, it was the worst kind of bullies. Being a "clever" school, the insults were always more sophisticated, designed to destroy you and embarrass you in one sentence. The staff were happy to turn a blind eye, after all, this was Askes. Surely it was only playful! So it went on. And as my confidence slipped, theirs grew, simple insults turned into embarrassing shows in the playground. And no matter what the PSHE book said, I couldn't stand up to the whole of my school.

Eventually, it just bounced off me. Sure, I could stand there and take it, go home at night and cry, but what was the point? Where would it get me? It still hurt, but I pushed it down and down, until it became so far away I could shut it off. And it began, the warning signs were always there, but when you're so busy noticing everyone else changing, It always comes as a shock when you realise you have. The friends stopped ringing, the invitations became fewer and fewer, until I'd lost nearly everyone I knew. And those that were there, were never enough for me, I guess it's true that you always want what you can't have.

In the summer of 2004 my social status went from bad to worse, it's bad enough being, overweight, and ugly but gay? Somehow the news of my sexuality had spread across the school, girls shunned me in case I fancied them, boys jeered and laughed and even my friends began to have their doubts. In January 2005 ten days before my birthday one of my best friends called me up. From her first words I knew there was something wrong. And I soon found out what, she thought I had raped her. As the phone slipped from my hand the sobs began, and soon they shook through me, it was as though I was crying for everything that I'd lost, the pent up emotion finally flooded out and through my eyes.

*I hope this is reading ok so far..*