Spiders

by xxEvilAngelxx   Oct 18, 2006


The spiders are crawling
up her neck
Reaching her mouth
and forcing it open
Unavoidably, they find their way inside
She chokes, suffers
and drowns in pain
They destroy her essence
and her will to live
Then only her pure face is left-
an empty shell
But in time
it too decomposes
The spiders devour her
from the inside out
Until nothing remains
of a once beautiful girl.

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Suggestions about anything at all are wanted... this one just doesn't sound right.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by shatteredsoul

    Hehehe awsome!
    but I can never seem to write stuff like this!

  • 18 years ago

    by most perfect lie

    Wow that was great, it seemed at first the girl was dead but alive, dead on the inside maybe but in a living body. It is beautiful, a bit odd but none the less beautiful.

  • 18 years ago

    by goddess-glamourpuss

    I have to agree with you that there is something not quite right. I liked the imagery and could really imagine the scene almost like watching a film.
    I think maybe if you could add abit to the begining to kind of lead up to this scene perhaps? To me it comes across as I missed something and have picked up the story half way through.

  • 18 years ago

    by TheWorldFellNUWerentThere

    5/5. It kinda scared me sh*tless. Now I'll feel like i have Spiders up on my neck cuz im goin to bed after I finish ur poems!

  • 18 years ago

    by Bridgette

    I love this poem. I don't think that you should change anything about it. The descriptions were very easy to visualize and very dark and creepy. The flow and rhythm was very good and held up well. I loved the last line, it really brought the whole poem together and gave it a very nice ending. Great job on this! 5/5

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