Chronic Steps

Great poem, but it didn't quite flow... but i really did like it... nice job

There are a few areas that need work, second stanza for example is going to trip up a lot of readers (not that they'll admit it) because without punctuation yuo don't know where to stop, pause, reflect, absorb or read on.

Every step I take toward Heaven's gate
Every step curing a black demented soul

Every step I take toward Heaven's gate
Is a step curing a black, demented soul.

Is this what you were trying to say or are they independant statements?

It makes the whole second stanza almost incomprehensible... are you going forward, backwards or simply going nowhere? Are you curing your soul or failing despite the effort?

The very last word should be pluralised even if you think it sounds more prose in the singular. Grammar takes precedence over poet license.

The poem sounds nice to my ear but I want to understand properly your message without having to wade through it like a proof reader first.

Bret

I love the way u use some of the words and lines it really nicely written. keep on writing this is great5/5

It took me exactly one year (today) to reach your id...and i don't know who should be blamed for that... :o))

this is really nice and i just loved the selection of words

keep it up
all the best and take care
5/5

Very thought provoking. keep up the good work.you really have the talent.
another 5 for sure.