Love story

Sometimes I have to question
why bad things happen to those
people that are just trying to live
that feels like a thorn on the stem of a rose

I don't quite know why
pain is a feeling that I know so well.
I try hard to interrupt my suffering
but my pain to most i can not tell

i try to see pain as a magical lesson
through my journey in life
that I should learn from this heartache
but I'm confronted with more strife

sometimes it's a tough struggle
to see positives in the tears
when pain is all I seem to know
and all i see is my worst fears

I accept my life
and my chosen fate
although I have tried to jump the line
and end the life i hate

I will always acknowledge
what life throws my way
with a smile on my face
and find courage to live through every day

However today my soul gave up!!
I stopped believing in hope
that pain was a beautiful thing
we could learn from and will help us to cope

and started to see it for what it really was
a burdened on my happy soul
an obstacle in our estranged lives
that would make me feel UN whole

The pain felt inside
was like nothing I had felt before.
I had experienced
a life filled with depression and more

the loss of loved ones,
the burden of a broken heart,
the acceptance of a distant father,
and the lies that drove friendships apart

been in abusive relationships,
sexual assaulted and broken trust
experienced a life in an eating disorder
and real love turn to lust

but today hurt the most.
ill let them into my heart when it was dead
someone I trusted just turned on me.
Abusive words were said,

He told me I did everything wrong
I did everything he didn't want me to do
He said that he had a bad day because of me
and id had no clue

five seconds later he told me he loved me.
how could he speak theses words untrue
then tell me were OK
sometimes i don't know what to do

what kind of love is that?
I'm not really sure
but one thing i do know
is my souls running out the door