Last Time

I thought you meant for me
I thought it was going to work out
I cover my ears
As you begin to shout
I thought we would be right for each other
I thought we had that connection
Theres a violence for your actions
Its called domestic
You come home every night
and you come home to me
I finally realize
That you are angry
I ask if its because of your job
You hit me once and I beg you to stop
You just lift up your flat hand
As I grab you by the wrist
I beg you not to do this but all you do is make fist
I'm to scared to tell my friends
That these cuts and bruises aren't any accidents
I thought getting pushed around would toughen me up
But all I learned is when your talking is to shut up
I learned your the only man in this relationship
I learned that if I hit you back
I'll end up with a busted lip
I don't know what you learned but I really don't care
The pain that I feel hurts too much
When you're punching me and pulling my hair
The hits they seem so long
But at this point I cannot be weak I have to be strong
I was looking at my self in the mirror and there are bruises and cuts all over a lot
I think of how many times I told you to stop
The funny thing is when friends ask "where did you get those bruises?"
I just look and wait and they say "did he do this"
I don't say anything so they repeat what they said "did he do this?"
I try to think of something else but i already used all the excuses
I want them to find out but I don't want them to know
So as I get ready to tell the truth I simply forget it and say "no"
I feel so weak, I feel so stupid and so dumb
How can I keep something like this away from them
You know the other day you left work late
You came home, had dinner and forced me to wash the plate
I was not even awake I was deep in my sleep
I asked if you could wash them but suddenly I was pulled from the sheets
You grabbed me by the neck and pulled me by my hair
I told you I couldn't breathe but I knew you didn't care
You finally quit you finally stopped
You found out that I had called the cops
You told me that if I said anything you would kill me
But the way you said it you made me believe
You're so cute when your mad
It's really weird and strange
Thats when I promised I wouldn't say anything to the cops when they came
No one would ever find out about you and me
My secret will never be set free
I thought you loved me but I guess I wanst right
Every time I say I love you
You get ready for a fight
But deep down I knwo you do
Cuz you do toughen me up
Its just that I cant hit you back cuz youre a man and stuff
Everytime you punch me I feel so hurt
Its like you like to see blood everyday after work
Well I will never forget the day you beat me the longest
I got to get away and hide in the closet
After 5 minutes it was a short period of time
I walked out thinkin you were done but you were holding a pocket knife
You put your hands on my neck and I began to choke
You finally take them off and put the knife to my throat
I looked at you, into your eyes
When suddenly noticed you were staring into mine
You started to loosen your hands and I swear you were about to cry
You said you dont know why you do this and I said "neither do I"
I didnt say a thing,I was laning on the closet door
I started to slide down
Until I was on the floor
I wanna tell you something
Its not a lie
Its true
I dont wanna leave
I still wanna be with you
Sometimes i think and i think im crazy
for letting you do this, letting you do this to me
I think i deserve moreand how I'm not any type of maid
I think I deserve better cuz you know I'm not your slave
I know I deserve better
Maybe even more
Its just that I dont know what else I'm good for
I hope you will not do this again
I hope you'll try to make this work and change
So we can forget about all my mistakes
But you are who you are and I am for me
If you dont want to you dont have to change just for me
Cuz I love you for you
and you love me for me right
I just hope today is the last time you come home ready to fight

JoJo