October 17, 2006

It is so hard
to stand up
after you have fallen down so hard
but i have
and i take tentative steps every day
I have already forgiven
but I haven't forgotten
and sometimes
the pain can not be pushed away.
I really hate all the trouble it caused,
though I try to not mention
those things anymore..
but it is alright.
Hell knows I am used to it
by now.
Can anyone really blame me
for not knowing how to trust?
To believe that one is
truly okay?
but then...who is truly okay?
We are human.
We live.
We need.
We love.
We die.
We touch.
We see.
We feel.
We hurt.
We cry.
But can we trust?
Can we really say goodbye?
Can we let it all go?
Can we forget
so the hurt will go away?
What do you do
when a friend
does not give you that chance
because they feel
they must
wear that mask
that they have always worn.
So that one day
that mask would get so heavy
that they could not endure
the harsh weight of that mask anymore..
A friend who never told anyone..
It took everyone by surprise
when we all heard the news that
our strong, caring, loving,
playful Tyler commited suicide.
So tell me, dear Reader,
how am I supposed
to wear this mask now
and say I will be all right?
When the strongest of strong
left without saying goodbye?
How am I supposed to let it all go
let my tears run dry
and finally realize that he is not coming back
and that I should move on
and just finally say good bye?