Five Years Since

When I found out she died I couldn't cry
I didn't see her before, no chance to say goodbye
I knew it was coming but my heart was shocked
Feeling sad was my secret�my heart was locked

We weren't all that close but she was my friend
Moving on after her death was all pretend
Didn't think I was supposed to feel this way
So I stayed alone and wished she was here today

I was having lots of fun at the time of her death
Eating food and laughing during her last breath
Now I feel guilty whenever I'm having fun
I know it's irrational but that's what death's done

I think about it a lot and I don't know why
The feelings just come but now I'm able to cry
First it's one tear, then four, and then I can't tell
It quickly turns into this big crying spell